When we avoid facing our uncomfortable feelings—anger, sadness, fear—we don’t make them disappear. We just push them out of sight until they build up and spill over in unexpected ways, affecting our well-being, relationships, and overall happiness. It’s much like sweeping our feelings under the carpet. At first, it seems like a quick fix, an easy way to make things look clean without dealing with the mess. But over time, the dust accumulates, creating a hidden problem that eventually resurfaces.

Many of us have been taught, directly or indirectly, to bury our negative feelings. “Don’t cry.” “Stay strong.” “Just move on.” We may inherently believe that feeling our emotions could be a sign of weakness. So we shove our pain, anger, or sadness deep inside, believing that it is best that we don’t acknowledge them.

It’s also possible that we fear feeling them. We are afraid that the more we focus on our negative feelings, the worse we feel. Well, not facing them is also not the answer since the more we avoid them, the more problems we need to deal with later on.

Much like neglected mess, unprocessed emotions don’t go away. They fester, grow, and eventually spill over, often in ways we don’t expect. In fact, I once found myself reacting in anger at levels that were disproportionately higher than the trigger itself. Eventually, I had to learn to face my buried feelings and to process the unresolved ones that I had carried since childhood.

The Cost of Emotional Avoidance

Later, through working with clients, I observed that there is a co-relation between not facing our emotions and experiences such as:

• Increased anxiety and depression,

• Strained relationships due to unresolved emotions,

• Physical symptoms like headaches, fatigue, or digestive issues,

• Unhealthy coping mechanisms such as overeating, overworking, or addiction issues,

• Difficulty making decisions or feeling emotionally stuck,

• Reduced resilience and stress management.

For example, I once worked with a client, Sarah, who constantly told herself she was “fine” after a painful breakup. She threw herself into work, ignored her sadness, and kept smiling. But months later, she found herself snapping at colleagues, feeling exhausted, and experiencing unexplained stomach issues. It wasn’t until she allowed herself to grieve and process the pain that she started to heal.

Indeed, research has consistently shown that suppressing emotions can have significant negative impacts on both mental and physical health. Here are some findings:

• A study published in the Journal of Psychosomatic Research found that individuals who habitually repress their emotions may experience a decrease in immune system efficiency, making them more susceptible to illnesses.

• Similarly, a study highlighted by Psychology Today reported that emotional suppression increases stress levels, as it leads to heightened sympathetic nervous system activity—a key marker of stress response.

• Furthermore, research from the National Center for Biotechnology Information discovered that suppressing emotions not only increases stress but also diminishes the experience of positive emotions. This can contribute to decreased life satisfaction and overall well-being.

A Healthier Approach: Acknowledging Instead of Avoiding

Rather than sweeping emotions under the carpet, what if we learned to face them with acceptance and compassion? Here’s a simple three-step approach:

• Name It – Identify what you’re TRULY feeling. Instead of saying, “I’m fine,” try “I feel hurt” or “I’m overwhelmed.”

• Allow It – Give yourself permission to feel without judgment. Emotions are not good or bad—they’re just human experiences.

• Process It – Find a healthy way to express and release the emotion safely, whether it’s through EFT tapping, journaling, or processing it with someone you trust.

Face Your Feelings

Emotional avoidance might seem like an easy shortcut, but it only leads to bigger problems down the road. Embracing our emotions isn’t about weakness; it’s about honouring ourselves as humans. It’s a recognition that our feelings, no matter how difficult, are valid and worthy of attention. By allowing ourselves to fully experience them, we cultivate deeper self-awareness, resilience, and inner peace.

At its core, facing our emotions is an act of self-love. It’s about treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer a close friend. When we embrace our feelings instead of running from them, we affirm our own worthiness and give ourselves the space to heal, grow, and truly thrive.

The next time you catch yourself wanting to sweep your feelings under the carpet, pause. Acknowledge them. Sit with them. Process them safely using EFT. Because healing doesn’t come from hiding—it comes from facing what’s there with courage and compassion.

Resources
1. With Valentine’s Day round the corner, we dedicate the month of February to Love, in particular Self-Love. Get the Self-Love Reparenting Course at a 30% savings here.

2. Need some clarity in your life situation? I would love to help. On a pro bono basis, I am offering 30-minute coaching sessions (worth $100 each); with a limit to 5 individuals. There are no obligations to the session, no selling on my part unless you decide to ask me questions about my paid services. If a free coaching session is something that interests you, fill up this agreement form and also book a time slot on my calendar.

Love and abundance always,
Evelyn Lim
Transformation Life Coach